My Trip of a Lifetime

  I have, unfortunately, gotten a divorce. It wasn't easy in the slightest.  I kept a lot of my feelings hidden and off of here. Why? Because I didn't feel it was necessary to post them, other than how much I loved my husband.  Please know that I did love my now ex husband like no other. I still love him in some form or fashion.  Honestly, I just felt more ignored than anything. I get that some men want to come home, have a drink, and relax. But he refused to even tell me about his day!!!  I believe in venting to get the heavy stuff off your chest. I also believe in sharing how your day went with your significant other. I wanted to hear EVERYTHING. The good, the bad, AND the ugly. Not sure if this is the correct term/phrase, but life felt stale, suffocating almost. I cried most days and nights because he wouldn't talk to me.  I felt like we were living as roommates who shared a bed, than as husband and wife.  He'd deny it saying that he didn't feel tha...

I have some news. Not sure if I have already told you but, I am diabetic. It is type 2. No I dont need insulin. ' I'm currently trying to read the book entitled THE BLOOD SUGAR SOLUTION 10-DAY DETOX DIET. I'm trying to get my body in proper working order. I want to feel better, look better, and be healthy. I want to lose some weight, as well.  Is this going to be hard? Yeah. Not gonna lie. I am going to do my best to let you all follow me on this ride to get healthy. I'm hoping that by sharing this, that I can stay focused to get healthy. My current goal is to lose 25 pounds at a time. My half way goal is to reach 200 pounds. My ultimate goal is to be 150 pounds.  Once I'm at my ultimate goal, I will reasses things. Check all my numbers. Make sure that I'm headed in the right direction. If you are in the same boat, let me know. I'd love to know what your secrets are. How do you keep it fun?   

So, I have jury duty again. I'm hoping and praying that they don't need me this time around. I really don't. I didn't have to do it the last time because we were so short staffed at my job that it would have been a detriment to the business. We are a bit understaffed again, but not like we were before.  Maybe, JUST maybe, they will dismiss me.  One can hope, right??  Ill update when I get home.   

  I have some great news about the ovarian cancer.  I had a new scan and some bloodwork done several weeks ago. The CT scan came back normal. My blood work came back normal as well. I am beyond grateful for that. I thank God everyday for that. The bloodwork is considered "normal" if my numbers are between 0 and 35. Mine was 6 when it was tested. So, it's on the low side of normal.  My husband and I are still trying to have a baby. At the same time, I am rethinking that. I want kids now. So does Patrick. I know it'll be a bit harder to conceive with only one ovary and one fallopian tube.  I've been told that this type of cancer is "slow growing". I hope that that is true. If i DO get pregnant, it will be a one and done pregnancy. Which I am now ok with.  If anyone has any thoughts and what not to give me, please feel free to do so. 

  I had jury duty today. It was definitely an interesting process. They were supposed to email and/or call if you were postponed. well I missed said email. Found it AFTER the fact. Oh well!!!  I took 2 days off of work for this. The reason I was postponed was due to staffing issues and it definitely is a detriment to the business. I need to let my GM know about being postponed, but I want and NEED 2 days off in a row!!! I really do. I haven't had time off for myself in a while, especially not 2 days off in a ROW. If you know me in real life, and we work together or have in the past, don't say A WORD to anyone please.  Today is a day for me and my husband. Tomorrow is a day just for me and cleaning up some around the house. I really need these days. Consider them as mental health days.

I got the results not too long ago. It's Stage 1c Ovarian cancer. My husband and I are both in shock.  We aren't sure what to do. The GYN Oncologist, her name is Dr. Shah, said if we were going to have kids, now is the time to do it. I want kids, but I'm questioning it now.  I haven't said anything to Patrick about it yet. I'm not sure how go bring it up. 😕 I really don't. I don't want to scare him or upset him with my worries, but he also needs to know.  If you have gone thru this before, please help me figure this out.  Am I going down the right path?? Should I have a baby?? How does one not feel conflicted?! 😕 

  Yesterday, February 21, 2022, I had surgery. I had a huge ovarian cyst (around 17 centimeters) that more than likely caused an ovarian torsion. The surgery I had was to take not only the cyst out, but the bad ovary, and the fallopian tube out.  Dr. Shah at the cancer center at St. Vincent's in Downtown Birmingham did a fabulous job at taking it out and keeping my sweet husband, Patrick, updated while I was in the OR and recovery rooms. Everyone was incredibly kind, patient, and sweet.  The nursing staff, the anesthesiologist, my doctor, everyone explained everything to me in a way that my ADHD brain could understand. It helped that I have medical experience, though. They still put it into a language that not only I could understand, but that my husband could understand. (Patrick has zero medical experience.) I am in the middle of healing. I'm sore and i already knew to expect that. I've been up walking every so often as to not get super stiff. Also, the walking should h...

About a month ago, my general manager quit. I had a panic attack while at work once I had his departure confirmed.  I needed that man more than he will EVER know. I still need him. I really do. He made the days better. He listened to me. He cared about me. Was I spoiled? Yes I was.  Is the fact that I was spoiled why, even a month later, the reason I still have a hard time. Maybe...just a little.  The worst is that I trusted this man. I trusted him SO much. And he trusted ME. He seemingly cared about me more than I care to admit.  I also have found out where he now works. I won't say it here. At least, not right now. Give him some time to settle in.  I only hope good things for him. I really do. Granted, I feel like this man broke me. Even though I feel that way, I will ALWAYS wish him the best. I will ALWAYS have his back. I know he still has mine. At least I hope he does.  Tyler, if you ever see this, please know that I am rooting for you. Please kno...

  So, if you all didn't know, I work for Panera.  I've been wanting to get promoted for a while. Well, it finally happened. I got promoted. It was to catering coordinator. I am extremely grateful for this promotion. I really am. But I want management. I really really really want management. Hoping that I will succeed with this advancement. Also I hope to prove to that I am management material.  Fingers crossed!!!!!

What do I do??  I'm having issues at work with one coworker. She's making my life a living hell. She says that I "need to do better" at work, but won't elaborate. Then, behind my back, is saying that I'm stupid. And doesn't understand my thought process.  And that she thinks I'm not management potential and that she is going to do everything in her power to keep me from being one. She keeps saying she's gonna continue to put me in drive thru every time she opens.  How, in the name of all things good and holy, do I stand up to someone who has this mindset??! HOW??! I cry...a lot...cause of how she makes me feel. I swore up and down that I would never let anyone do this to me...and I have. She has figured out a way to do it.  I'm sittingnhere now, typing while I'm crying. She has made me want to either transfer or just quit. I. Am. MISERABLE!!!!!   I don't wanna transfer. I don't want to quit. I feel like I've given up. 😕  But if...

Patrick and I have been trying for a baby for around 4 months. Yay!!!  To say that I am ecstatic is an understatement.  I can't believe that, after 8 years of marriage, there's a chance that he and I could be parents.  At first, he kept saying that he wasn't ready and everything. He wasn't 100% on board at first, but he is now. (I put it to being scared...it's new!!!) I can't wait to see what happens. Sometimes it takes one shot. Sometimes it takes several tries. I'm not all that worried right now. We are just taking it slowly and seeing where it takes us.  It's weird. This whole trying for a baby thing. At one point, I was SO gung ho about   NOT wanting a baby.  So, why now?  Well, I've been feeling this really strong tug to become a mother. I had mentioned it (sober...ill explain in a moment) off and on for several months to no avail. He just pushed it to the side and put it off to seeing people having babies left and right.  Finally, one e...

So, this one lady that I (used to) work with no longer works where I work. She had interviewed and got the position of "shift manager" at Moe's.  Great!!! Awesomeness!!! Whatever. But she had been saying that if our GM didn't get his act together (whatever) and didn't give her more hours, she was going to leave. She had also been saying that she was interviewing at Moe's and one or two other places as a backup plan. Ok, cool. You do you. I'll support you no matter what.  So, she puts in her notice and tells our scheduling manager that she'd work out the week this week, but not to schedule her for NEXT week. I'm going out on a limb by saying that it sounds like she's going to be starting her new job at that point in time.  But, I digress.  She calls me today bitching about my GM. Saying that he took her hours away even though she is claiming that she was going to work out some of her hours for the week that's been posted. She claims that he ...

So, I used to have random pregnancy dreams leading up to me meeting my husband of 6 years.  Two of those dreams were me during a couple of baby showers. The third, however, was me in labor. My water broke and my "husband" stood in the door way of the hospital room. Then after that dream, no others of me being pregnant came about because I had met Patrick.  I did have one or two about my sister and one of my friends. But no others about ME.  Until the last two nights. January 19 and 20. Freaked me out...still does. I haven't told Patrick about the dreams because I don't want me to freak out and I don't really want him to dismiss it, either. Because what if God (yes, I am a Christian and I wholeheartedly believe that God and Jesus are real) is telling me something. What if I'm being told that I need to have a baby??  I know what most people would say. Don't read into it. It was just a dream. But what if it was MORE than that?? More than "just ...

My heart is still heavy with sadness and missing my grandmother.  I miss her terribly...and always will. See, I was her first grandchild ever. My aunt and uncle couldn't have children of their own and they also tried many times with adoption without success.  She had my heart and I had hers.  This will be the first Christmas without her. I am usually all happy-go-lucky when it comes to Christmas. And I was prior to her death. Now I'm like, "Meh!! It's not so fun anymore." I'm hoping that my love of Christmas will return. Thanksgiving and Christmas are two of my favorite times of the year!!! It was also my grandmother's two favorite times of the year. She always wanted her entire family with her for these two celebrations. Always.  My heart is just...heavy...to say the least. I look at my tree and can't help but think of my grandmother. I hadn't gotten her anything for Christmas because I was waiting until a little closer to get something ...

I'm still missing my grandmother something fierce. She had my heart and I had hers. I will forever be grateful for her and her love.  I was taking a shower one day (I take a shower everyday) and I smelled what I thought was the scent she always wore. It was a fleeting moment. But I still smelled it. As I was standing in the shower letting the water fall over me, I was wondering if it was really her scent or not.  So, I decided to do a sniff of my bath stuff and my husband's bath stuff. The scent wasn't any of those things. All I could do was smile. Smile because she came to see me. Smile because it was like she was telling me that it was ok and that she was ok. That she was in heaven and was whole again. No more broken bones, her blood pressure was normal again, no more anemia, and that her eyesight was back to normal again.  For these things I am forever grateful.  But that doesn't mean that I'm not still heartbroken over her death.  I know that she i...

My wonderful grandmother, my mom's mom, went to be with her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ on Saturday, November 24, 2018.  She had fallen on the 23 (Black Friday) and had broken her leg. She went to the ER at UAB where they took immaculate care of her. The floor she was on at UAB once she was admitted was P9 (aka the Camellia Pavilion in the West Pavilion at UAB). They took the very best care of her Friday night and once she got back from surgery. Unfortunately, her 94 year old body was just tired and couldn't hold it's blood pressure like it should have been able to.  She slipped away in her sleep with family by her side. She was also an avid Alabama Crimson Tide fan and just happened to have the game on when she passed away.  She was, and is, the greatest grandmother around. She adored family and all of her friends. She loved her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ more than anything in this world. I know that she is with her husband (my grandfather) and also she is with ...

Unfortunately, I couldn't pee in a cup for a drug test by the time everyone had to leave to go to their first houses this morning. But that's ok. I finally did pee around 15-20 minutes AFTER everyone left. A little frustrating, but that's ok. I'm just thankful to have this job. I did pass the drug screen with flying colors. lol!!! I knew I would once I was able to pee. I just can't pee on command. But I officially start on Tuesday.  This company is closed on Labor Day, which is this upcoming Monday. So, it looks like I will have a 4 day weekend. I also had to sign and have notarized a non-competing disclosure. Never had to sign that before, so that was a new thing. Not complaining, either.  I believe that I will like it here. Seems to be more structured than my last place of employment. I also like the fact that we will be working in teams vs solo cleanings.  I also refuse to state the name of the company as of right now. Everyone seems nice. I can't wai...

Out with the old and in with the new.  It's time for me to turn a new leaf and prove not only to myself that I am a damn good housekeeper. This time around housekeeping will be different...or so it seems. Based on what I've read online, we can actually MOVE stuff!!!  Wait...what?? You couldn't move stuff at your last housekeeping job, Erin??? No, no I could not. If they had a lot of figurines and what nots out, the residents had to be the ones to move those items. Otherwise I just tried to dust around them to the best of my ability. Which was quite difficult.  I'm quite excited about this new job. It gives me the chance to turn over a new leaf. Gives me a second chance at actually proving not only to myself, but to everyone else, that I can do this job.  The job of housekeeping can be quite difficult. I've had difficult jobs that I've loved and did well in. But they aren't anything like housekeeping.  Father God, Please help me to make a wonderf...

I worked in the Emergency Room for 9 years. Yes, 9 years!!! I loved it. All of it, from the good days to the meh days to the "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad" days. Only thing I didn't really care for were the workings of the weekends and holidays. I'm all for spending time with friends and family during those times. I was a PCT (Patient Care Tech aka Nurses assistant). Most days it was hard work. Hard from walking anywhere from 7-14 miles in one 12 hour shift, to having patients and/or family members cuss you out, to being assaulted in some form or fashion in other ways, to trying your hardest to do CPR on someone in order to bring them back from the brink of death. Most times that we did CPR, our patient(s) did not make it. It weighs down on you..a lot. One thing I learned is that you have to wire yourself with an on/off switch. Meaning, you have to switch your emotions OFF during things like a code or when you're trying to restrain someone to the be...

I'm looking and applying and waiting for lots of call backs.  I don't like to do call backs because I keep seeing (and believe) that hiring managers really hate it. They tend to not want those people. So I'm waiting for said call backs.  I love my job, but barely. I used to be all for it. All gungho about it. All "Let's get this shit done". Now, I'm like, "Really??! It's Monday (or whatever day) again?? I don't want to be here!!! I want to hide from these people. I want to get the fuck away from these people!!!"  It's really sad. I'm depressed every time that I go to work. I'm sad every time I go to work. I just feel like being an asshole to everyone that I come into contact with on a daily basis. I don't want to do a damn thing. I just want to hide and retreat into myself.  Maybe it's too much stimulation for me?? I do have ADHD and learning disabilities. Too much stimulation makes me crazy. Makes me feel the ...