My Trip of a Lifetime

I worked in the Emergency Room for 9 years. Yes, 9 years!!! I loved it. All of it, from the good days to the meh days to the "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad" days. Only thing I didn't really care for were the workings of the weekends and holidays. I'm all for spending time with friends and family during those times. I was a PCT (Patient Care Tech aka Nurses assistant). Most days it was hard work. Hard from walking anywhere from 7-14 miles in one 12 hour shift, to having patients and/or family members cuss you out, to being assaulted in some form or fashion in other ways, to trying your hardest to do CPR on someone in order to bring them back from the brink of death. Most times that we did CPR, our patient(s) did not make it. It weighs down on you..a lot. One thing I learned is that you have to wire yourself with an on/off switch. Meaning, you have to switch your emotions OFF during things like a code or when you're trying to restrain someone to the be

I'm looking and applying and waiting for lots of call backs.  I don't like to do call backs because I keep seeing (and believe) that hiring managers really hate it. They tend to not want those people. So I'm waiting for said call backs.  I love my job, but barely. I used to be all for it. All gungho about it. All "Let's get this shit done". Now, I'm like, "Really??! It's Monday (or whatever day) again?? I don't want to be here!!! I want to hide from these people. I want to get the fuck away from these people!!!"  It's really sad. I'm depressed every time that I go to work. I'm sad every time I go to work. I just feel like being an asshole to everyone that I come into contact with on a daily basis. I don't want to do a damn thing. I just want to hide and retreat into myself.  Maybe it's too much stimulation for me?? I do have ADHD and learning disabilities. Too much stimulation makes me crazy. Makes me feel the

So, I've been saying for the past several years that I didn't want to have kids. Well, now things are changing. …..Yes you read that right..... I'm starting to reconsider having kids. It comes at the most inopportune time in mine and my husband's life. Granted he doesn't know yet.  Yeah...I haven't told him that I am reconsidering the whole kids thing. Especially after his arrest and now depression and a migraine that won't freaking disappear. So, now, I'm not sure how to bring it up.  I don't want to add any additional stress to him because I don't want him to go completely off the deep end. That's the LAST thing that I need.  Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he'd love to be a dad. I'm sure that he would love to know what I'm thinking about as far as this is concerned. But I don't know how to bring it up to him.  UNLESS..... Maybe, just maybe, I should put feelers out there. Be like, "I have this friend

Here's to the good life!!! Sometimes you just have to make the best of what you have. Right now, I am trying to relearn some patience. Let me just say that it's a pain in the booty!!! I had learned a good bit at one point, but then I lost it. Losing it was bad...VERY bad. Now I am RE LEARNING it all.  See, this trip of a lifetime is my husband has had a 3 week migraine. A migraine that has taken hold and has not released itself from my husband's brain.  I'm frustrated because I want answers and I want them NOW. But, alas, I don't get to get those answers now. That's where relearning all of my patience comes into play. We have to take it one day at a time.  I'm stressed. My husband can sense that. He's stressed which is why I'm stressed. He's frustrated and that's also why I am frustrated. I'm trying desperately to not show him that I am this way. I just want it to end. I want my husband to be BETTER and I want it NOW.  I know

Once upon a time, there lived a girl named Erin. She was the happiest girl there ever was in all the land. Then her dad died. When he died, a part of her heart died too. She was told that she would heal. That her heart would heal. That it would get better. But it didn't feel like it...not for a very long time. Erin had some people that she thought were friends and family tell her that it was time to get over the death of her father. "How do you just 'get over' the death of someone important", she asked. These people were left completely speechless by that question. She was also told, "Well it's been a year (five years, 10 years, etc). There's no reason that you should still be crying over him. It makes us uncomfortable." "I'm sorry it makes you uncomfortable, but when YOU lose a parent, don't come crying to me about it. I don't want to hear about how hard it is for you to move on or how hard it is for you to stop cryi