My Trip of a Lifetime

Actually, I know that I don't want them. Not sure how I tell my husband, other than just say it very bluntly to him...HONEY I DON'T WANT KIDS. But that way just sounds mean. Why do I not want them?? Reason is is that I don't have that motherly urge. I don't ooh and ahh over baby and kid stuff like I used to. I don't ooh and ahh over babies anymore. I can't and don't see myself being a mother. I don't think it's fair to bring one or more into this world when I don't want to be a parent. I think that it would be a MASSIVE mistake for me to have a child when I feel like this. And ladies who ARE mothers, please do not tell me that this "phase" will pass. This is not a pass ladies. Nor will I EVER regret NOT having a child. I'm sure that if I did have one, I'd love it regardless. But unfortunately, I don't have that maternal urge like a lot of women have. It's not that I hate kids, cause I don't. I love kids. I

Well, I may be going back to school here before long. Maybe is the key word. If I do go back to school, it will be for Medical Assistant. My mom is helping me try to get in to this one particular school. It will be all online. But first, we have to make sure that Alabama's Medical Assistants Accrediation people will allow this particular school. If they will, then I will be able to start soon. I just hope that it comes through for me. I really need to be able to get this degree. I need to be able to make more money than just $11.83 an hour. I need to be able to work anywhere instead of in an ER or in a department store. I just hope it comes through.

So, I am selling a few things on eBay right now. It's only 8 things. I'm getting views and a couple of watchers, but no one is buying these 8 things. AHHHHHH!!!! I get that not everyone is gonna buy what I have...or that they may find the same stuff but a lower price. The members only leather jacket has had around 88-90 views, but no buyers. Its $18.75...or around that price range!!! I was originally asking $50 for it!!! That's a major drop in price. If you are interested in it, come to www.ebay.com and look for the screen name manderin113. That would be me selling the MEMBERS ONLY LEATHER JACKET.

Well when I do have pms, I'm angry and sad and depressed. Not sure why. I hate the feeling. 

So, there is probable cause that my husband and I may be moving to the Huntsville/Madison area of Alabama. Why?? Because he may be getting a promotion. May is the key word here. I am scared half to death to move so freaking far away from my side of the family. My grandmother is in her late 80s, my mom has breast cancer, and my sister has had seziures in the past (seziure free for 4 maybe 5 years). If something were to go wrong with them, then I don't really know what to do. I mean, my mother in law has been in the hospital due to some medical issues she has. I understand being scared because of my husband. He was scared when his mom had surgery and everything. But still. I'm not sure what my moving would do to my grandmother. She's 88. She's lost a substantial amount of weight. She's on like 2-3 blood pressure medicine's. She's truly sickly. Not to mention that she is legally blind and can no longer drive anymore. I think it'll be hardest on her.

Today is a good day. Today I feel blessed...beyond blessed actually. I have a friend who's house burnt down a few nights ago. It's basically destroyed. I have friends who are going through divorces. My husband says he will never leave me and I believe him. (I have had trust issues with guys in the past.) I've watched people go through all sorts of stuff. I'm not saying that it won't happen to me. Anything can happen to anyone at anytime. I feel lucky. I feel beyond blessed. I shouldn't complain about my life. How I had second thoughts about stuff...which should have never come up. I have an amazing family and I have amazing in laws. Everyone's lives suck from time to time. That's inevitable. It's how you DEAL with it that makes all the difference.

My husband and I have a new puppy. His name is Jagger. He is a Pit Bull MIX. Mix is the key word. We know that he has pit bull in him for sure, but we don't know what other breed is in him. We both wanna find out what is all in him. He is 6 months old now. The sweetest thing EVER. All he wants to do is love you to death. We get "attacked'' in nothing but puppy kisses. He loves to snuggle. He snores when he is most comfortable. hehehe!!!!! He is the prettiest shade of gray and white. Oh how I love Jagger dog.

I say my husband is in charge of the money because I trust him enough to say hey that's not in the budget n

I just found out that I didn't (or wouldn't) talk until I was around 30 months old. IF you are trying to do the math, that's almost three years old. So yeah. No wonder I still don't talk a lot. My mom and husband have always tried to get me to tell them what I am thinking. I can "talk" on here all day and all night, no worries. lol!!! I'm a better listener than I am a talker. Always been that way. I like lending a helpful ear or shoulder or hand than anything in this whole wide world. I do kinda wish that I had known this a long time ago. I think mama said it's called delayed speech or something.....oh well. Just kinda interesting that I had this.

To keep my big fat mouth shut!!!!! Why can't I learn that one simple thing??! I HAVE TO DO IT STARTING TODAY!!!

Melodie, my BFF, her issues are major. She's going thru a divorce. It's making me look at MY marriage thru a different set if eyes. It's making me wonder (and see) the mine has the potential of breaking apart. I'm scared that mine will fall apart. Yes I found someone that my friends and family absolutely LOVE to death!!! But now because of her marriage breaking up I am starting to wonder about mine. If you pray, pray for both of us.

I am asking that if you pray, that you lift my friend melodie up in prayer. Or at least keep her in your thoughts and send good vibes her way. She and her husband are having MAJOR issues. Won't go into details. Just pray that all ends well regardless of which road they take. Thank you for reading this.

I no longer just WANT  a child, I am READY for a child. Yeah there are still a few things that I would like to do, like travel, but I can do that at a later time. Once I turn 30, I don't really want children. I'm 26 now. I'd rather put off what I want to do in order to start a family. I would rather do that. That's just me. I don't want to force my husband into starting a family before HE is ready, though. Bad karma comes from forcing children on one spouse when said spouse isn't ready themselves. I am just ready for a child. I want to start my family. I want to add to my family now.

So a former friend of mine just got married this past weekend. Joseph, I am really happy for you. She seems like a wonderful lady. Only thing is is that when I got into my relationship with my now husband, he got pissed off and deleted me as a friend on Facebook. I also used their photographer. Small world huh??? When I saw them just now, I became really sad. Sad because I think I did end up settling for a man...a husband. Don't get me wrong. My husband adores me like no other. But Joseph....he adored me just as much if not MORE than my husband. When I started dating my husband, I thought Joseph had gotten over me. I made it clear (or so I thought) that I didn't want anything more than friendship...until Patrick. Just hoping he's happy. He didn't appear too happy in the pics. I feel bad. Horrible. Like I'm the worst BITCH there ever was for rejecting a man that I didn't have feelings for. Feelings that he had for me that I thought were gone. Oh lord

How I hate thee!!!!! Me and several others tell the truth, not the "fake truth" and what we say comes back to bite us in the ass. Fake truth--what your boss (or bosses) want you to say or what they want to hear. Real truth is what we should all be saying. Not the whole fake truth crap. I just don't care anymore. If I'm going to have what I say come back to bite me in the ass, then I just don't care anymore. It's hard to work somewhere where the bosses turn their heads to true laziness but if I get online once, then all hell breaks loose nor if someone else mentions the real lazy people; all hell breaks loose. I mean really??! I don't care anymore!!!

Tomorrow is the day. Valentine's Day. My husband and I agreed to NOT celebrate it...that includeds getting each other presents. Well, he bought me one anyways. WTH is up with that??! While it's nice of him to do so, it's also worrisome. I didn't want anything nor did I buy him anything. I'm sure that he worked hard to buy me whatever he bought me. It's nice of him to do that...espically when we agreed to NOT do anything. I guess I'll go and find him something tomorrow.

Dear lord, I have been fighting this "bug" since Thursday. I am placing myself in your healing hands to make me better. I WILL be healed in Your name I pray. Amen

That they aren't smart enough to do x y or z. I wanted to be a doctor. I was told I wasn't smart enough. Some of the doctors weren't all that smart in school but they are the best damned doctors now. Support your kids in WHATEVER they want to be. Don't deny their dreams. Live their dreams with them. They'll respect you more if you do that than if you deny them their dreams.

In big white weddings!!! Never have, never will. It's anywhere from 60-70 bucks to go to the court house and get married that way. SOOOO much easier. Less of a hassle. You don't have to shell out for shit, with the exception of a honeymoon if you so choose. No wedding dress. No flowers. No shoes. No tuxedos. No bridesmaid's dresses. No hair and no make up cause you are doing your own hair and makeup. It's just better by far if you go to the court house. I know, I know!!! Those are fighting words. But if I could go back in time, this is exactly how I would have done it. I wish that I hadn't given in to what everyone else wanted....a wedding. I was miserable. I didn't show it in pictures, but trust me, I was incredibly miserable. I wanted to cry cause I wasn't getting married the way that I had wanted to. It would have been just me and my husband ONLY. No one else would be allowed to come with us to the court house. No one would know actually. I didn

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/recession-babies-grow-troubled-teens-193300087.html Says that babies born in the economic rescissions of the 1980s were more likely to grow up into troubled teens. To do drugs, be arrested for theft, and other things.  REALLY??! I was born in 1986. I've never done drugs, never been arrested, and done other bad things other than the random white lie to my parents.  People say it's poor parenting if this happens to your kids. I've said it before and I'll say it again. You can have the most responsible parents and be born at ANY time and you can be the worst kid around.....or you can be totally awesome. Same thing if you had shitty parents. You can be the worst or the best kid around.  So, too bad for the researchers of this article.  

My apartment complex sums it up. It hasn't killed me, so has it made me stronger? NO!!!! It's just pissed me off. Well, it's kinda made me stronger. I now know what I do and do NOT want in an apartment and a complex. This particular complex can kiss my big, fat, lily white ass for all I care!!!! You can see water stains on the ceiling. You can smell the neighbors cigarette smoke through that bathrooms and where the washer and dryer connections are. The people in the office don't seem to give a shit. That's just the start of it!!! I could go on and on forever about the downside of this place. But I won't bore you with the details. I and my husband are currently looking for a brand new place to stay. Hopefully we will find the perfect place here in the next couple of weeks. Think and pray for us as we do this evil search.