My Trip of a Lifetime

My heart is still heavy with sadness and missing my grandmother.  I miss her terribly...and always will. See, I was her first grandchild ever. My aunt and uncle couldn't have children of their own and they also tried many times with adoption without success.  She had my heart and I had hers.  This will be the first Christmas without her. I am usually all happy-go-lucky when it comes to Christmas. And I was prior to her death. Now I'm like, "Meh!! It's not so fun anymore." I'm hoping that my love of Christmas will return. Thanksgiving and Christmas are two of my favorite times of the year!!! It was also my grandmother's two favorite times of the year. She always wanted her entire family with her for these two celebrations. Always.  My heart is just...heavy...to say the least. I look at my tree and can't help but think of my grandmother. I hadn't gotten her anything for Christmas because I was waiting until a little closer to get something ...

I'm still missing my grandmother something fierce. She had my heart and I had hers. I will forever be grateful for her and her love.  I was taking a shower one day (I take a shower everyday) and I smelled what I thought was the scent she always wore. It was a fleeting moment. But I still smelled it. As I was standing in the shower letting the water fall over me, I was wondering if it was really her scent or not.  So, I decided to do a sniff of my bath stuff and my husband's bath stuff. The scent wasn't any of those things. All I could do was smile. Smile because she came to see me. Smile because it was like she was telling me that it was ok and that she was ok. That she was in heaven and was whole again. No more broken bones, her blood pressure was normal again, no more anemia, and that her eyesight was back to normal again.  For these things I am forever grateful.  But that doesn't mean that I'm not still heartbroken over her death.  I know that she i...

My wonderful grandmother, my mom's mom, went to be with her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ on Saturday, November 24, 2018.  She had fallen on the 23 (Black Friday) and had broken her leg. She went to the ER at UAB where they took immaculate care of her. The floor she was on at UAB once she was admitted was P9 (aka the Camellia Pavilion in the West Pavilion at UAB). They took the very best care of her Friday night and once she got back from surgery. Unfortunately, her 94 year old body was just tired and couldn't hold it's blood pressure like it should have been able to.  She slipped away in her sleep with family by her side. She was also an avid Alabama Crimson Tide fan and just happened to have the game on when she passed away.  She was, and is, the greatest grandmother around. She adored family and all of her friends. She loved her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ more than anything in this world. I know that she is with her husband (my grandfather) and also she is with ...

Unfortunately, I couldn't pee in a cup for a drug test by the time everyone had to leave to go to their first houses this morning. But that's ok. I finally did pee around 15-20 minutes AFTER everyone left. A little frustrating, but that's ok. I'm just thankful to have this job. I did pass the drug screen with flying colors. lol!!! I knew I would once I was able to pee. I just can't pee on command. But I officially start on Tuesday.  This company is closed on Labor Day, which is this upcoming Monday. So, it looks like I will have a 4 day weekend. I also had to sign and have notarized a non-competing disclosure. Never had to sign that before, so that was a new thing. Not complaining, either.  I believe that I will like it here. Seems to be more structured than my last place of employment. I also like the fact that we will be working in teams vs solo cleanings.  I also refuse to state the name of the company as of right now. Everyone seems nice. I can't wai...

Out with the old and in with the new.  It's time for me to turn a new leaf and prove not only to myself that I am a damn good housekeeper. This time around housekeeping will be different...or so it seems. Based on what I've read online, we can actually MOVE stuff!!!  Wait...what?? You couldn't move stuff at your last housekeeping job, Erin??? No, no I could not. If they had a lot of figurines and what nots out, the residents had to be the ones to move those items. Otherwise I just tried to dust around them to the best of my ability. Which was quite difficult.  I'm quite excited about this new job. It gives me the chance to turn over a new leaf. Gives me a second chance at actually proving not only to myself, but to everyone else, that I can do this job.  The job of housekeeping can be quite difficult. I've had difficult jobs that I've loved and did well in. But they aren't anything like housekeeping.  Father God, Please help me to make a wonderf...

I worked in the Emergency Room for 9 years. Yes, 9 years!!! I loved it. All of it, from the good days to the meh days to the "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad" days. Only thing I didn't really care for were the workings of the weekends and holidays. I'm all for spending time with friends and family during those times. I was a PCT (Patient Care Tech aka Nurses assistant). Most days it was hard work. Hard from walking anywhere from 7-14 miles in one 12 hour shift, to having patients and/or family members cuss you out, to being assaulted in some form or fashion in other ways, to trying your hardest to do CPR on someone in order to bring them back from the brink of death. Most times that we did CPR, our patient(s) did not make it. It weighs down on you..a lot. One thing I learned is that you have to wire yourself with an on/off switch. Meaning, you have to switch your emotions OFF during things like a code or when you're trying to restrain someone to the be...

I'm looking and applying and waiting for lots of call backs.  I don't like to do call backs because I keep seeing (and believe) that hiring managers really hate it. They tend to not want those people. So I'm waiting for said call backs.  I love my job, but barely. I used to be all for it. All gungho about it. All "Let's get this shit done". Now, I'm like, "Really??! It's Monday (or whatever day) again?? I don't want to be here!!! I want to hide from these people. I want to get the fuck away from these people!!!"  It's really sad. I'm depressed every time that I go to work. I'm sad every time I go to work. I just feel like being an asshole to everyone that I come into contact with on a daily basis. I don't want to do a damn thing. I just want to hide and retreat into myself.  Maybe it's too much stimulation for me?? I do have ADHD and learning disabilities. Too much stimulation makes me crazy. Makes me feel the ...

So, I've been saying for the past several years that I didn't want to have kids. Well, now things are changing. …..Yes you read that right..... I'm starting to reconsider having kids. It comes at the most inopportune time in mine and my husband's life. Granted he doesn't know yet.  Yeah...I haven't told him that I am reconsidering the whole kids thing. Especially after his arrest and now depression and a migraine that won't freaking disappear. So, now, I'm not sure how to bring it up.  I don't want to add any additional stress to him because I don't want him to go completely off the deep end. That's the LAST thing that I need.  Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he'd love to be a dad. I'm sure that he would love to know what I'm thinking about as far as this is concerned. But I don't know how to bring it up to him.  UNLESS..... Maybe, just maybe, I should put feelers out there. Be like, "I have this friend...

Here's to the good life!!! Sometimes you just have to make the best of what you have. Right now, I am trying to relearn some patience. Let me just say that it's a pain in the booty!!! I had learned a good bit at one point, but then I lost it. Losing it was bad...VERY bad. Now I am RE LEARNING it all.  See, this trip of a lifetime is my husband has had a 3 week migraine. A migraine that has taken hold and has not released itself from my husband's brain.  I'm frustrated because I want answers and I want them NOW. But, alas, I don't get to get those answers now. That's where relearning all of my patience comes into play. We have to take it one day at a time.  I'm stressed. My husband can sense that. He's stressed which is why I'm stressed. He's frustrated and that's also why I am frustrated. I'm trying desperately to not show him that I am this way. I just want it to end. I want my husband to be BETTER and I want it NOW.  I know ...

Once upon a time, there lived a girl named Erin. She was the happiest girl there ever was in all the land. Then her dad died. When he died, a part of her heart died too. She was told that she would heal. That her heart would heal. That it would get better. But it didn't feel like it...not for a very long time. Erin had some people that she thought were friends and family tell her that it was time to get over the death of her father. "How do you just 'get over' the death of someone important", she asked. These people were left completely speechless by that question. She was also told, "Well it's been a year (five years, 10 years, etc). There's no reason that you should still be crying over him. It makes us uncomfortable." "I'm sorry it makes you uncomfortable, but when YOU lose a parent, don't come crying to me about it. I don't want to hear about how hard it is for you to move on or how hard it is for you to stop cryi...

Hello again to all of my faithful readers!!! I'm sorry that I haven't updated in a while. This blog is basically a recap of the last couple of months. To start off, on April 10, my husband was arrested. His bond was set at $1.5 MILLION dollars. (Yes you read that right.) When I got home that night, I about had a conniption fit. I thought that we had gotten robbed and that Patrick had been kidnapped. Then, when I was about to call 911, I found the search and seizure warrant. Once I found it, I started calling around to two of the local jails that I assumed he would be at. He wasn't in either jail. So I obsessively call his former best friend for about 2 hours. Finally an officer, who was pretending to be the ex bff, answered. He eventually (after about 30 minutes of going back and forth) told me to check the St. Clair County jail. So I did. By this point it was about 8:30-9:00 at night. I was still in a panic. I was in a horrible panic for a week. My mind was...