Divorced...

 I have, unfortunately, gotten a divorce. It wasn't easy in the slightest. 

I kept a lot of my feelings hidden and off of here. Why? Because I didn't feel it was necessary to post them, other than how much I loved my husband. 

Please know that I did love my now ex husband like no other. I still love him in some form or fashion.  Honestly, I just felt more ignored than anything. I get that some men want to come home, have a drink, and relax. But he refused to even tell me about his day!!! 

I believe in venting to get the heavy stuff off your chest. I also believe in sharing how your day went with your significant other. I wanted to hear EVERYTHING. The good, the bad, AND the ugly. Not sure if this is the correct term/phrase, but life felt stale, suffocating almost. I cried most days and nights because he wouldn't talk to me. 

I felt like we were living as roommates who shared a bed, than as husband and wife.  He'd deny it saying that he didn't feel that way. I made hella mistakes in the last couple months before the divorce. Honestly, I didn't want one. I also felt like it was truly needed. 

I needed him to see how he was losing me. He saw it at the end. I should have just decided to work it out. But i also feel like that it will end the same way.

He's very angry with me. Can't say I blame him. I'd be just as angry as he is currently. 

Yes, I am in a new relationship. It's been almost a year. This new man treats me so much better than my ex did. I am seen, heard, wanted, and everything else in between. I did not replace my ex. I wasn't looking for new love. Maybe just a little fun. 

But I fell in love. Please don't feel bad for me. I am slowly working thru my feelings with this new man by my side. He is showing me how I should have been loved and respected to begin with. He is showing me that not all men are alike. He is one of the good ones. And please don't fully judge me. 

I finally feel loved, heard, respected, and safe. Oh so safe. I never thought that I would feel these things. But I am. I keep hoping and praying that I don't take advantage of him. He says that I am not taking advantage of him. Which is great to hear. 

I do still struggle with accepting all the green flags. I'm not used to it. I am slowly getting used to it. 

Again, please don't feel bad for me, and please don't judge me too hard.